anita’s world

As a teenager, I remember looking at my parents and wondering at what age would I stop caring about being current on the latest music. At the time, I couldn’t imagine ever being like my parents who were stuck in the 60s, music-wise. I knew I would always be cool and up to date.

Fast forward several years, and man… I now find myself just like them, except I am stuck in the 80s and 90s. I even find myself listening to songs that I hated back then, because at least I can recognize them. This morning I was driving along, not really thinking about anything, and was suddenly horrified to find myself humming along to “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” It was on the “love songs” music station, which I find myself listening to more and more since I know most of the songs they play. I can’t open my windows anymore because I don’t want anyone to hear the cheesiness emanating from my radio.

That isn’t to say I am completely out of touch… I do also like some of the current hits. But I can’t explain it… I now prefer the old and familiar rather than trying out the new. However, parents of teenagers have told me that once my boys are teens, I’ll be more current than I want to be about music. So I guess one day, I’ll be cool again.

My all-time biggest pet peeve is having to sit and listen to someone complain about something that they can change.

In other words, don’t come to me and whine about how much you hate your job because I will tell you to find another one and then stop listening to you, unless you have a real, valid reason why you can’t leave your job (such as that your company is sponsoring you for a green card and it is coming really soon). But there is usually nothing stopping someone from going out and applying for and interviewing for another job. Of course, discretion is necessary if you work for the kind of company that would fire you if they knew you were shopping. But most of my friends are in IT and there is NO reason why any of them should come to me and complain about their jobs, because any one of them can go to Dice and start applying. I don’t get how hard this can possibly be. Whenever I wake up and think, “God, I don’t want to go to work today,” then I know it’s time to find another job. I went through 4 jobs in 4 years before I found my current one which I love and plan to stay at for a while.

Something I often hear is that they can’t afford a pay cut or that they don’t think they can find a better position. And of course I’d go, “oh, did you already look?” And of course the answer is almost always “no”. Argh!! I hate that! How the heck would they know if they didn’t even try? It irritates me to no end.

Here’s another one: “I don’t like my daycare provider/nanny.” So? We went through 5 daycares before we found our current one and she is awesome. I don’t get why anyone would stay at one they don’t like. Are they afraid of offending the daycare provider or nanny? So what? These are your kids! Be picky!! I would never have found this fantastic daycare if I had sat in my cave and worried about offending anyone.

And complaints about commitment-phobic significant others. I don’t get this one as much now that most of my friends are married (damn old age!) but it used to be my biggest irritant. Yes, it is you! It’s not him! It’s you and he just does not love you enough to commit to you. He thinks that he can do better and is waiting for someone better to come along. Geez, I know so many people who were with their ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends for like 8 or 10 years and then got dumped and their exes got married to someone else (usually quite soon after). This is clear proof that the ex didn’t have commitment issues, it was that they weren’t really in love enough to get married before. I don’t get people who hang on that long. I once had a relationship with a “commitment-phobe” (the quotes mean he really wasn’t one and it was just me he couldn’t commit to) but I only wasted 6 months of my life, not 8 or 10 years. So I understand that state of denial but that doesn’t make it any less annoying when I have to hear someone whine about it.

This last one is related to my biggest pet peeve. It’s when an ADULT human being blames his or her parents for how he/she turned out. Geesh. If you are an adult, I don’t ever want to hear that your parents are to blame for how your life is now. If you know there is something wrong with your life or with you, then YOU are the one to blame for not trying to change it. The last time I blamed my parents for my life was when I was 22. Then I realized that I had the power to change what I don’t like. OK, I get that if your parents were abusive or your childhood was really traumatic somehow, then it’s a lot harder to let go of the past. But that is what mental professionals are for. And if therapy isn’t working, then find another therapist! I know someone who has seen the same therapist for years and she clearly isn’t helping her.

I do understand that people are afraid of change. But not being one of those people, I just don’t get it and can’t stand it when I see clear solutions to a problem and the person affected just will not consider it or is afraid to. Sure this is probably a harsh view but I can’t help how I think and anyways, if it is a good friend of course I’d still listen and try to give advice (in a non-judgmental way). But I sure wish everyone would just think like me.

In many ways, I am my mother’s daughter, but lately I have noticed myself becoming more and more like my dad. The absent-mindedness, the cluelessness, and general boneheadedness.

The other day, a friend was over, and as we sat around talking, I asked him a question. He was in the middle of answering it when my mind started wandering, and I suddenly remembered something I had to do, so I stood up and left the room. About 5 seconds later I realized what I had done (thankfully my husband was still in the room with our friend and carried on the conversation). This is something my father does ALL THE TIME and we always made fun of him about it. I don’t think anyone really thought anything of it – my husband later said he didn’t even notice. But I was appalled… in about 10 years my sons will be making fun of me about the same things my brother and I made fun of my dad for! With my husband’s encouragement it’ll probably start sooner. Another thing to not look forward to.  Sigh…

Yay, my brother has finally started a blog. I’d always thought he should since he’s such a good writer. Damn, in two posts he already sounds smarter than me.

I’ve finally gotten through all my English essays and papers. I had saved several per year since 6th grade, and it’s interesting to see how my personality developed over the years. It sure was fun reading all the stuff from my angst-filled, boy-crazy teenage years. Man, I so am not looking forward to my boys being teenagers.

Anyways, I used to have some of Bennett’s writing samples from his English classes, but now I can’t find them. He was very creative and sorta morbid. I guess he hasn’t changed a whole lot.

So I’ve decided to go paperless. I have been thinking about it for ages but the tediousness of scanning our files on our old scanner had prevented me from starting. But now I have a reason. We have a large filing cabinet where I’ve kept all my files for the last 15 years, and we probably won’t have a space for it in the new place, so I’ve decided that it was time to have a paperless office once and for all.

Last night I came upon a thick folder that held all the papers and essays I’ve ever written for my high school and college English classes. One of them was an explication I’d written on two poems for an English Lit class at UCLA . As I was reading the essay I was amazed at how eloquent I used to be. What happened?? When did I get so…so… awkward at writing? It’s like pulling teeth to get words out. I used to write in my journal practically every day, and now I can’t think of the last time I wrote a journal entry. (I just checked – I have one entry each for 2007 and 2006, and two for 2005.)

My 7th grade English teacher said the best way to improve your writing was to write a lot. I guess since I stopped writing, it’s gotten harder and harder. I used to compose long passages in my head and later write them, but now I realize I haven’t done that in ages. I blame getting married and having children. I had hoped that this blog would help, but whenever I think of something to write, life gets in the way. When you have 2 children under the age of 2 years old, you don’t really get a lot of free time to yourself. Well, in the new place, we’re going to combine the office and playroom into one space, so maybe I’ll sneak some posts while I am “watching the kids”.