My all-time biggest pet peeve is having to sit and listen to someone complain about something that they can change.

In other words, don’t come to me and whine about how much you hate your job because I will tell you to find another one and then stop listening to you, unless you have a real, valid reason why you can’t leave your job (such as that your company is sponsoring you for a green card and it is coming really soon). But there is usually nothing stopping someone from going out and applying for and interviewing for another job. Of course, discretion is necessary if you work for the kind of company that would fire you if they knew you were shopping. But most of my friends are in IT and there is NO reason why any of them should come to me and complain about their jobs, because any one of them can go to Dice and start applying. I don’t get how hard this can possibly be. Whenever I wake up and think, “God, I don’t want to go to work today,” then I know it’s time to find another job. I went through 4 jobs in 4 years before I found my current one which I love and plan to stay at for a while.

Something I often hear is that they can’t afford a pay cut or that they don’t think they can find a better position. And of course I’d go, “oh, did you already look?” And of course the answer is almost always “no”. Argh!! I hate that! How the heck would they know if they didn’t even try? It irritates me to no end.

Here’s another one: “I don’t like my daycare provider/nanny.” So? We went through 5 daycares before we found our current one and she is awesome. I don’t get why anyone would stay at one they don’t like. Are they afraid of offending the daycare provider or nanny? So what? These are your kids! Be picky!! I would never have found this fantastic daycare if I had sat in my cave and worried about offending anyone.

And complaints about commitment-phobic significant others. I don’t get this one as much now that most of my friends are married (damn old age!) but it used to be my biggest irritant. Yes, it is you! It’s not him! It’s you and he just does not love you enough to commit to you. He thinks that he can do better and is waiting for someone better to come along. Geez, I know so many people who were with their ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends for like 8 or 10 years and then got dumped and their exes got married to someone else (usually quite soon after). This is clear proof that the ex didn’t have commitment issues, it was that they weren’t really in love enough to get married before. I don’t get people who hang on that long. I once had a relationship with a “commitment-phobe” (the quotes mean he really wasn’t one and it was just me he couldn’t commit to) but I only wasted 6 months of my life, not 8 or 10 years. So I understand that state of denial but that doesn’t make it any less annoying when I have to hear someone whine about it.

This last one is related to my biggest pet peeve. It’s when an ADULT human being blames his or her parents for how he/she turned out. Geesh. If you are an adult, I don’t ever want to hear that your parents are to blame for how your life is now. If you know there is something wrong with your life or with you, then YOU are the one to blame for not trying to change it. The last time I blamed my parents for my life was when I was 22. Then I realized that I had the power to change what I don’t like. OK, I get that if your parents were abusive or your childhood was really traumatic somehow, then it’s a lot harder to let go of the past. But that is what mental professionals are for. And if therapy isn’t working, then find another therapist! I know someone who has seen the same therapist for years and she clearly isn’t helping her.

I do understand that people are afraid of change. But not being one of those people, I just don’t get it and can’t stand it when I see clear solutions to a problem and the person affected just will not consider it or is afraid to. Sure this is probably a harsh view but I can’t help how I think and anyways, if it is a good friend of course I’d still listen and try to give advice (in a non-judgmental way). But I sure wish everyone would just think like me.